the lost

Hi there! (:

There is not much to be added to the reviewers before me. However, I have a little idea for you:

People before me have mentioned the rhyme. And they are right to say that it is not creative. But, to go even further, when I read your poem I immediately get the feeling that you built every single second line of a couplet simply on the rhyme. To me, it feels like your work process was as follows:

1. Put your feelings into one sentence, e.g.

She wears a mask.

Hoping it will last.

um lets see here... o you need to be more descriptive. i was reading and almost fell asleep, well i am lying in bed, but thats not the point.

i get bored just reading anyway...

sorry i dont have much else to say.

i realy dont see why you need to repeat so much.

hi there
I don't really like this for the reason that the rhyme is boring.
fine mine, etc
repetitive.
I don't really get this, something about a girl.
sorry i could not be more help

Vera

Hi.

My first thought was on the actual idea of the poem. It seemed the last few stanzas were focusing on you, and not the subject of the poem, her.

There needs to be rhythm in a poem. Although there's no rhythm that I can see within the stanzas, I could see that you were keeping two lines to each.

And i know it's just a lie. This line doesn't fit.

I want to help her.
I need to help her. It's been said so many times before.

She says she's not intelligent.
I knew what this really meant. Something less mundane like

"She says she's not intelligent,
She's a liar, quick to invent."

I want to give her the love that she needs.
I know she needs it. The lost one was once me. I like the last bit because it shows why she needs you, but the first bit is just repeating what you've said all along.

I long to feel.
I can only hope that this is real. I am sure you can do better than that for a closing stanza. Finishing it off with something about her would make the poem have some sense.

Howdy! This is my first review in a while, so if it's kind of bad, I apologize.

First order of business: the dreaded punctuation rant. Most people have too little punctuation marks, however I felt as though you could do with less, or maybe just change it around a little. Not every line has to end with a period. It makes the poem seem kind of choppy and disrupts the flow. My suggestion for punctuation would be this (I'm also going to add some other suggestions in bold):

She wears a mask,
Hoping it will last.

I see past the wall
And hope she will not fall.

She is in an honors' class. Science. I would just reword this line. It seemed very awkwardly phrased to me. Maybe something more like "She's in an honor's science class," with class on the next line.
Still she holds back in silence.

I want to help her.
I need to help her.

Together, at school, we have Latin. I would get rid of the commas.
Her esteem is quickly being flattened.

She says she's not intelligent,
I knew what this really meant.

I hear her say she's fine,
That response was once mine.

And i know it's just a lie. The format of the poem suddenly changes here. You should try to have the same number of lines in each stanza. It also throws off the rhyme scheme.

I want to give her the love that she needs.
I know she needs it, the lost one was once me. Didn't quite get what you meant in that last part.

I tried to find the surface on my own.
My inner voice is still finding it's tone.

I long to feel.
I can only hope that this is real.